Struggle, Strife, and Hopefully Endurance

If there is one thing I want to be on this journey I’ve called Starting Over @ Forty Something it is honest. From time to time, this journey has been very difficult and challenging on this guy’s psyche. I come from a childhood where my Father was the sole provider for our family, and my Mother stayed home. This dynamic instilled in me a strong sense of responsibility and a strong work ethic, but when the terrorist hit the towers in 2001, all of my own set of control factors for my career, went right out the door.

Like me, some of you were what the industry called middle management. Doing well in the early to mid portion of our careers, making the right moves to secure the next promotion as underclassmen in the ranks of upper management - when bang, out of the blue, the world stopped as we know it.

The last seven years for me have been one series of change after another. I have been involved in several startups in quasi-consulting to management roles, and involved in selling products like screen printing and embroidery by day while delivering local papers by night. I even came home for twelve months to help offset daycare bills by being Mr. Mom to our youngest daughter, who is now six.

I sometimes laugh when I remember a mentor of mine advising me just before 9-11 to pick up a book called: “Who Moved My Cheese” and read it. I tell my wife, I’m not adverse to change, but I sure wish it would take a break for a while and let me just settle back into some semblance of a comfort zone. It’s on days like I had yesterday that sometimes make me wonder what it is that I am supposed to be doing - long term that is.

If there is one tip or bit of advice I may offer, be willing to live one day at a time. Last night I found myself on my face in our master bedroom of our new home weeping uncontrollably trying to explain to my wife how unsure I was of what it was I was supposed to be doing. Don’t get me wrong, our life for the last two years financially has been better than some when I was at the top of the corporate ladder, but that still doesn’t mean I am satisfied, or better yet fulfilled.

We men for whatever reason need to feel needed and secure in our line of work, I’m sure it goes back to when we were hunters and our wives were supposedly gatherers, if you choose to believe any of that stuff. I honestly don’t know. The things I do know are this. I love my wife, my kids, and even the dogs. I have made a commitment to change my career to become a professional writer and in the last two years, I have started to make decent enrodes. Time will tell, but I believe still to this day what my Grandfather said once: “…if you work at anything ten hours a day, you will make a living at it”. So press on regardless is my advice to you and myself.